This is one of the most personal blogs that I have ever written, so bear with me.
Discussing family issues and relationship issues is never easy. As humans, we try to sweep things under the rug until it becomes that enormous pile that the rug can no longer contain that pile of debris. The dust and other particles in the rug become this heaping pile that is so overwhelming that we end up letting issues get the better of us. Why do we do this to our loved ones and why do we try to treat “friendships of utility” aka acquaintances better than our loved ones? To digress, “friendships of utility” is a Socratic term that in layman’s term, “where your friends with someone because it’s convenient at the time”. Anyways, this song “Remember When” by Bad Wolves has helped me get through some difficult times in terms of my relationships.
Part of my issues is that I need to learn to get over myself and be there for the people that have stood by me through thick and thin. When I lived the party lifestyle, I remember that those that I used to drink with were the most important at the time, I remember that it would put a strain on my relationship with my family for awhile because I chose the bottle over the love and guidance that my family would give me. In this, I remember lying to people about who I was, looking back, I was a fake person. I really was. I can understand why I lost friendships. I wouldn’t have been friends with me either because I tried to impress instead of being who I was.
Another lesson I wish I would’ve learned right away was the act of forgiveness. As I stated in a previous blog, forgiveness means moving forward. I compare it to someone punching me square in the face and apologizing afterwards. If they felt remorse, I’m going to forgive that person, but I’m going to stay at further than arm’s length from that person because I want to protect my face and because it will take awhile for me to trust that person again. At the same time, I’ve moved forward. After this analogy, have I forgiven who I’ve needed to because of hurt caused in relationships? Have I asked for forgiveness for hurting that person? Have I traced the root causes and determined what caused the pain so I can move forward next time in a relationship? I feel like that’s what this song is teaching and I can tell that it was difficult for Tommy Vext of Bad Wolves to pen those lyrics down.
How do we move forward one might ask? The thing we have forgotten to do in Western culture is that we don’t TALK PROBLEMS OUT ANYMORE. I understand that sometimes taking a break helps, but does that sort out the issue? We communicate through texts, snapchats, tweets, instant messaging, and Facebook statuses. So much can get lost in translation through that. The emotion is taken out of the equation completely, plus there isn’t a such thing as “sarcasm font”. It makes me wonder if this causes the further breaking down of relationships. In short, we all need to be adults and sit down and talk problems out and come up with a solution, and sometimes we need to compromise and swallow some pride, in order to make the relationship stronger.
In this brief essay, Tommy Vext and Bad Wolves do an exemplary job of tracing the root cause of an issue that they went through, wrestled with the root causes, and still are willing to offer forgiveness through this issue. After all, if he can forgive his own flesh and blood robbing him at gunpoint, can we forgive someone for that text message that seemed hurtful? Don’t let time go by, if there is an issue with that person, set up a time to meet in person and sit down and work things out. With some people in my life, I wish that I did. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
