Got to be who you are in this world

Never walk out on your own story

But if you ever need me again

You know that I’ll be, I’ll be around- The Unguided

In today’s #MentalHealthMoment, we are featuring the video “Heartseeker” by The Unguided.  I want to address how to help someone that is going through anxiety in a relationship.  This can be one of the most stressful things in a relationship, as someone who battles an anxiety disorder,  sometimes I find myself to be a burden in a relationship and have sudden battles with fear and depression over someone suddenly leaving me behind.  I find social situations(especially large groups of people) to be really awkward and I’d rather hide at home out of fear of looking inferior or out of fear that I’m going to embarrass my loved ones.  This has cost me relationships and friendships.  I am learning to cope.  #ImSteppingForward and thanks to this song by The Unguided, they discuss the issues of relationships with those who battle anxiety and put it in such a positive light.  I love them forever because of it.

In the video, it showcases a couple with the girl really struggling in the relationship.  She has an addiction to self-harm and turns to alcohol when she’s feeling severe anxiety and depression.  The man in the relationship is doing all he can to help her but ends up feeling useless and worthless because he feels of no use to her.  The video shows pain, suffering, and common things that those that suffer from anxiety go through.  The song hits hard as the two vocalists do a phenomenal job of portraying the struggling relationship.  It shines a ray of hope throughout the song as it has a happy ending where the guy finds the girl homeless and he takes her back to their dwelling place to calm down.

I find myself crying every time I watch this video for different reasons.  The video breaks my heart because anxiety can be so crippling.  You felt the pain that the woman was feeling over her anxiety and depression.  You felt the anguish when she took the razor to cut her wrist and when she was downing the alcohol like it was water.  There was a sense of helplessness in the man who tried to help her, but he realized he needed to let her go because of that feeling of hopelessness in helping her.  He was always there for her, he loved her.  This is what people that suffer from anxiety and depression need:

  1.  Learn about anxiety and find that mechanism or strategy to help you cope and to help you get through.  What triggers your anxiety?  What are your behaviors when your anxiety is triggered?  The following helps:  prayer/meditation, positive self-talk, exercise, yoga, and finding that balance.
  2. Help that person in the relationship break free of avoidance behavior.  What does this look like?  Help them identify that first step
  3. Let your friend/significant other know that “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay”.  They are not a burden.  Normalize the feelings that they’re feeling, they need validation.
  4. Come up with a game plan to set reassurance limits.  Yes, it’s good to let them know that you’re not leaving them, but set limits.
  5. Support your friend/significant other in getting the anxiety treated.  What management techniques have they learned?  What has been helpful?  What can I do to help?  Help them become self-aware.
  6. Concentrate on your breathing.  If you’re breathing at a rapid pace, this is not healthy for the brain or your oxygen intake.  Coach your friend/significant other on various breathing techniques while being calm.

I would love to talk to The Unguided about this video if anything just to thank them.  Fans can find The Unguided at the following locations:

Check out Sonya Schwartz’s article “New Relationship Anxiety(17 Tips On Overcoming)” here.

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